Vday

Valentines day 2013. I eat my feelings.

Thinking of love makes me nauseous. Maybe you think it is because I lost my love a few years ago, and maybe so. But it's not the memory of the loss that drops my stomach, it is the emptiness that followed.

In primary school I remember contemplating the future, and whether I would ever be one of those ladies I read about in magazines that couldn't find a boyfriend. I wrote in my diary:

I will never have to worry about that because I always have a crush on someone, I always find someone.

 

I never thought about the reciprocation

It's a sweet, innocent idea of love. I never thought the one I loved would forget to love me back, until he did.

I sit here as a hippocrital woman, arguing against my own mind. Telling myself I can't still be in love. Because that's insane.But occasionally I relent. I cave in to the warm feelings I push beneath my lungs. They are useless, almost disgustingly aged. They have no place here in this time. But I never doubt they are still real.

 

But I love him.

I love him.

I love him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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